Hate is obviously too strong a word. Which would make sense because that's what I tend to do on an everyday basis. Make things more difficult than they should be.
What I 'hate' is exposing myself. Some would call it pride, maybe? I would call it embarrassment.
That I'm not as clever as I'd like to be.
not as funny as I'd like to be.
not as efficient.....
blah.
So. My goal is to write. And hopefully, the drive I feel to do so, will fade.
And spare all of us.
I have been pushed in good ways by girls I've 'met' through twitter and the #hellomornings group.
Being up early every single morning is starting to worm its way into my psyche (did I really just spell that correctly?? hmmm.. nice one ;)).
Its becoming (dare I say?) part of me.
I still haven't figured out the whole 'specific' devotional thing but I've been open. And since He knows my history and the challenges I've faced, I think it'll be fine.
I need patience to pull back that first papery thin layer that surrounds who I am. It might get messy, but then again, I'm one day closer to death, so really? who cares?
So, heart pounding, I'm going to publish this and then close my computer, go do the 'routine' and pretend I never did.
Also, I have to go to ChuckECheese today, so pray for me.
Sarah
Oh Sarah, I so so understand the sort-of-hate for writing thing. The struggle really is that - the exposing of yourself. I know.
ReplyDeleteAnd for me, also, the feeling of (the truth of) it's all been said before. There is nothing new under the sun. But while there is truth in that, there is also a lie. Because YOU are what is new under the sun. Your story is unique. You are unique. And you are so very loved.
When I first started really writing intentionally and regularly, and in particular, writing about my faith, I did it out of sheer determination. I felt called to write, and fight as I would (and I did, and do!) the call kept laying on me. If you read some of the early entries in my Becoming Joyful blog you'll see. Me fighting. The farm blog was easier, because it was more telling silly farm stories. It's the baring-of-my-heart that is hard.
But your story matters, my story matters. Because we matter to God. And if He is calling you to write, you can trust that He is going to do something with your obedience. I have been amazed by the feedback I have gotten from the least likely of places. From the most scary of places (mostly people in my past).
Be encouraged, Sarah! You have a wonderful story to share, people love to read how others learn and grow and walk through this often painful yet oh-so-beautiful life. We learn from each other and are encouraged. Your story may inspire others to take heart and take a risk and do something big and hard that they have been longing for! I, for one, am grateful to get to know you better through your writing. I think we have a lot in common.
Walk on, sister, walk strong, and write with abandon!